I'VE ONLY GOT A LI'OOL MARF....

You think??? The last time I saw Sam Fox on the box, she was drunkenly screaming at some young bloke that "you've got a li'ool knob" she then went on to get herself hopelessly tangled up in some ghastly cape she was wearing while trying to convince other bar staff, viewers and even herself that she was sober.... I don't know what will be more interesting to see being sent in to the camp.... Katie Price.... or alcohol. Will be glued to my sofa this evening to see if ITV bosses have the good sense to send in both.... preferably the alcohol half an hour before Katie.

In the news I see some poor lad has been shot with a search and rescue flare. I sincerely hope they find the person who did this, and punish them as if they had used a gun. My thoughts are with the lad and his family, but also with the idiotic government that, despite our country being on a high terror alert, allow pyrotechnics such as fireworks and flares to be sold by unlicensed vendors to unlicensed customers. These are explosives we are talking about. I always question the sanity of a shopkeeper that will not sell flour or eggs to teenagers around the time of Halloween, but then display a "Buy One Get One Free" sign above colourful sticks of dynamite. If it cannot be safely held in the hand... it should not be on sale to the general public. As for the "Over 18's Only" rule.... what a complete waste of time. Does some strange metamorphisis take place during the night before an 18 year olds birthday???? Does a once idiotic, irresponsible, thoughtless 17 year old muppet get abducted by some grey government body in the night and given a complete brain and personality transplant in under five hours???? You are not allowed to light a cigarette up in a pub for fear of endangering another persons life..... but the blue touch paper on a twenty pound drum of gunpowder bought from the local Tesco's store.... well you know where I am going don't you.

On a more localised note....the fence that separates my neighbours garden from mine, was blown down by the hurricane on Saturday morning. Could be interesting.... I have a mad spaniel, she has a cat.... watch this space.